Samples & Testimonials
THE END OF AN ERA
JUNE 30TH 2010
To our Pat Wilson, you have now served your time,
And have come to the end of your working line.
But to go with no fuss would simply be a crime,
So take these words with you; yes of course it’s in rhyme.
We’ll all be very sad to see you finally go,
You started at the Diocese over 20 years ago.
You will be greatly missed, which we’re sure that you know,
And the Curial Office is losing one of the stars of the show.
From 1 ‘til 2 everyday, we’d know where you were at,
Down in the staff room eating lunch and never short of chat.
I asked some of the staff how to best describe you Pat,
And pulled some of the responses out randomly from a hat.
She is knowledgeable and clever, your day she will brighten,
She is courteous, she is the best, she is magically enlightening.
She is witty, she is charming, and she is funny and exciting,
What does this one say Pat, I can’t read your writing?
You’re famed for your opinions which we’ve all learned to embrace,
You have strong views on everything and will always fight your case.
Especially over lunchtime when you get some free airspace,
You can talk and rant and rave until you’re blue in the face.
Another little fact to make this rhyme bespoke,
Is to mention you enjoy, let’s say, a little smoke.
Okay, to say a little is somewhat of a joke,
Each morning at 11 we think we’ve elected a new Pope.
Seriously though, we hope you enjoy all your new life presents,
Whether it is with the family, travelling, or simply being with friends.
And so to finish please be upstanding ladies and gents,
And raise your toast to Pat Wilson on her retirement.
From all of the Curial Office staff
OUR PRECIOUS DAUGHTER OLIVIA
JUNE 2010
To our gorgeous Olivia, our little baby girl,
You are a bundle of joy, the best thing in the world.
We fell pregnant a year gone May,
But were told by the Doctor you wouldn’t be here today.
You were once round and chubby but now you’re not at all,
You’re growing long and thin – you’re gonna be quite tall.
It must be from your Dad’s side; I’m only 5 foot 2,
We think you’ll tower over me just like all the Fowlers do!
Whether you will end up that tall we are yet to know,
But we can say for certain that you have the Fowler toe!
How can we describe the toe, how best can it be put?
Well, basically you have a thumb on both your hand and foot.
Although your Dad’s a teacher now, you may never be at his school,
But don’t you worry Olivia, you’ll learn the offside rule!
And then when you are old enough, you’ll get the Liverpool top,
And no doubt if your Dad gets his way you’ll be with him in The Kop.
The way your blue eyes sparkle and (at the minute) your auburn hair,
Will make us smile from cheek to cheek as you age from year to year.
We have to mention Rocky, our lovely Labrador,
Who, every time he sees you, wants to clean you more and more.
You really are our miracle - we shout that out aloud,
The most beautiful baby in the world and you make us oh, so proud.
And so on this special day, it’s our chance to formally greet.
Our daughter Olivia Hope Fowler, who makes our life complete.
Your loving Mummy & Daddy
xxx
"Oh Dan its absolutely beautiful. It made me laugh and cry. You truly do have a wonderful gift. Thank you so much."
Sophie - Olivia's Mother
WEDDING SPEECH
OCTOBER 30TH 2009
Once again welcome to our very special wedding,
This is a part of the day which I am excitedly dreading.
For a bride to do a speech, well, it goes against the grain,
But I feel I need to say, well, most of the things I’m saying.
If it wasn’t for my mum and brother we would not be here today,
You see me Jon met online – and no it wasn’t on eBay!
It was them who set me up on an online dating site,
Without my knowledge, may I add, but I still found Mr Right.
That was roughly 6 years ago in November 2003,
Who would have thought at that time that Mr Right would marry me?
Jonathon or ‘thebogis’, however you know him best,
Well there is just a little something that makes him stand out from the rest.
He’s a power station operator and from his boss he always learns,
He’s a model student and employee – think Homer Simpson and Mr Burns.
What do I see in Jon is a question you may well ask,
Well I thought I’d write down some of the things – in itself that was a task!
No seriously look at him, what is there not to adore;
His lovely brown hair (although slightly grey), his green eyes and wait, there’s more,
His big broad shoulders, rugby players legs and of course his cheeky smile,
And throw in his childish sense of humour; it makes him top of the gorgeous pile!
So what’s he like around the house, how does he fill his nights?
Well he’s been known to play runescape and poker, or go out flying kites.
He likes his back being scratched, his hair being brushed and a few pints in the pub,
But he hates bad driving, reality TV, and whenever there’s fish in his grub.
We’ve had some great times already in our short time together,
You’ve gave me memories which I will cherish forever.
Jon picked me up on our very first date as my car wouldn’t start,
He was my knight on four wheels and he instantly had my heart.
Centrica Christmas parties have a lot to answer for,
In fact after 2007’s I’m surprised we were allowed to more.
Things were going well; the night was going fine,
We had a bit of a hand jive with “Don’t blame it on the sunshine”
But we blamed it on the boogie when the bar was calling time,
When Jon found out we’d drunk more than our quota of company wine.
In the car on the way home, Jon’s santa hat – I took it,
And proceeded to introduce myself to my santa sick bucket!
Seriously now, I really know he is the one for me,
Even though I only get flowers if it’s ‘buy one get one free’.
Please bear with me a little longer, there’s not much more to say,
I must mention to Elena and Louisa who look beautiful today.
Just remember if you’re with a man and a jewellers he takes you in,
Be careful that you don’t come out having agreed to marry him!
And now to Jon, a little secret, that I want you to know,
I love you so much, and to be honest, you had me at ‘hello’!
So please ladies and gentlemen, will you upstanding be,
And finish off with a toast, to Jonathon, and me.
"Says it all and made me laugh - Poem was fab, have recommended to anyone who needs a poem doing."
Wendy - Bride
MY OWN GROOM SPEECH
OCTOBER 25th 2008
Thanks, Uncle Frank, and so now it’s the time
To give you my speech (yes of course, it’s in rhyme!)
I had a great speech all written for today,
But now that I’m married Nat has told me what to say.
For those who know me rhyming speeches I do quite often write,
But to write my own wedding speech has been a sheer delight.
As we get underway with our next stage of life,
I’d like to just speak on behalf of me and my wife.
I have plenty of thank you’s, but the first thing I’ll do
Is give you a bit of history about the newlywed two.
I first met Natalie, a long time ago,
But we didn’t get together until 4 years ago.
She was a vision of beauty on Matt’s wedding day
The say you find love quite often that way.
When she walked through the door, well my jaw it just fell,
I ran up and kissed her – she was as embarrassed as hell!
Time it did pass then came 2007
When I asked her to marry me – it was a match made in heaven.
We got our own house with our very own bar
For a stoppy back or party we wouldn’t have to go far.
And so to today – it’s finally here
It’s took 28 years but Chris has bought me a beer!
Abusing Chris about rounds well in speeches it’s a law,
Shut up you cheeky bugger or I’ll buy you no more!
I’ve been in my current job for nearly 8 years,
And ever since the start there’s a man who really cares.
Anthony has been giving me his advice on married life,
But despite his greatest efforts I’ve still got myself a wife.
No seriously now, important words to say,
I’d like to thank all our guests for turning up today.
They say that a good party is only as good as the guests,
Then I know when we look back then this one will have been the best.
Thanks for all the good wishes, the presents and cards you have gave,
If there’s any more to come just give us a wave.
A very big thank you to my own mam and dad,
They’ve brought me up superbly; well I’ve not turned out too bad!
Mam throughout my life you’ve been a shining light,
And you constantly remind me that mams are always right!
Dad you are a hero, what more can I say,
You certainly impressed Natalie on National Cheese Toastie Day.
But again thanks for all your help with the run up to the wedding,
Thanks for your advice with the direction we were heading.
Your contribution’s been immense thanks for a memorable day,
With your help you’ve made our wedding special in every way.
My next set of thank you’s is for uncle Frank and Ton.
I sincerely wish to thank them for the extra lengths they’ve gone.
Ever since I met Nat’s family they always welcomed me
Whether I stayed at Ton’s house in Ayton or was at Nana’s for tea.
Frank leads me astray sometimes in Tons house, on the lash,
The lasses used to go to bed and we’d stay up singing Johnny Cash.
Frank I want to thank you for the role you’ve played today,
For the massive support you’ve gave us and for giving Natalie away.
Ton, oh Ton, a massive thanks is going to you too,
For bringing Natalie up so wonderful, she’s a great credit to you.
Poor Ton’s shy and hates a fuss and of course I respect that,
You just can’t say the same though for her daughter Nat!
Thanks to our top ushers to Dan and to Chris
They both said it’s an opportunity they would never miss.
It was like watching discovery channel – never knowing when one pounces,
Or more realistically – having Laurel & Hardy as bouncers.
Their wallets are bulging see the gold they’re adorning.
That’s because they picked your pockets as you passed them this morning.
Thank you to Cody who done very important things,
He safely delivered our wedding rings.
And what about the bridesmaids? All gorgeous as can be
7 fantastic young ladies (ahem) – no seriously!
To Sonia, Amy and Vicki – part of the hen night crowd,
Thanks for working so hard and making the pair of us proud.
Emily, Summer and Millie and little Gracie Mae,
You all look beautiful as our bridesmaids today.
And so my first toast if you could please be upstanding,
Is to Page Boy and Bridesmaids who have all been outstanding.
If you’d like to sit down again before I restart
I’d like to say a few words from the bottom of my heart.
As I heard the wedding march and saw Natalie at the door,
My eyes had never seen such beauty my mind was filled with awe.
You look absolutely stunning you take my breath away
And the best part of this life is that I love you more every single day.
Not only am I marrying my very bestest friend,
We both know we will be together until the very end.
While I’m talking about my wife I’ll do something very odd,
There’s not many grooms speeches which quote a bit of Rod;
“My love for you is immeasurable, my respect for you immense,
You’re ageless, timeless, lace and finesse, you’re beauty and elegance”
And so ladies and gentleman on your feet please be
And toast with me my amazing wife – a toast to Natalie.
I’ll shortly hand you over to my best man, my brother Matt,
Who threw the best stag party ever there’s no doubt about that!
We set off to Blackpool on the morning our backpacks fully loaded,
And I knew the stag night would be a classic after our minibus exploded.
So here we go sit back and listen I feel a little queasy,
Matthew Woodgate, my best man – please just take it easy.
HAPPY RETIREMENT HAWKEYE!
JULY 31st 2008
On this special night it gives me great pleasure,
To present this little poem to our own national treasure.
Adrian Howkins is leaving, on Friday he’ll be gone,
It’s about bloody time he’s been here since ’61.
Yes for 47 years he has been our guiding light,
And he’s taught us all one thing – we have to get it right!
He has a reputation that no mistake will pass him by,
That’s one of the reasons why we all call him ‘Hawkeye’.
There is one thing for sure he’s a true gentleman,
And in case you’ve never noticed he’s a Leicester City fan!
He loves to follow the Foxes and always does his bit,
This includes turning up for work in his Leicester City kit!
He’s a man with many talents; he has so many plusses,
He could even be a stand in for Blakey in On The Buses!
He’s very pedantic but he knows just what he wants,
And he’ll make sure things are correct if it means checking more than once.
He knows tempting us with chocolate was a plan that wouldn’t fail,
It’s amazing the lengths he’d go to just to get a sale.
If you’re stuck on Valentine’s Day, Hawkeye could be a great teacher,
He must know everything there is to know after his 16 page valentine feature.
He’s usually on the ball but can sometimes be a dope,
Just ask Sue and the girls about the German telescope.
Once know as Mr Tibbles, Adrian has a love of cats,
He once walked around Leicester with a cats’ tail on his back.
But there’s more than funny stories, there’s the true loves of his life,
There’s Helen & Jenny his daughters and Sue his lovely wife.
And if when he retires he starts feeling a little lazy,
I’m sure he’ll be got at by his tabby cat named Daisy.
In case you’ve seen him in the news and wonder where he’s been,
He’s not long back from London where he went to see the Queen.
The invite to the garden party was one he had to take,
He said that it was worth it just for the chocolate cake.
We know the firm will miss you; you always liked a laugh,
And you really were a truly respected and valued member of staff.
Seriously though, Adrian, we’re nearly at the end,
And I want to say on all of our behalf thanks for being a wonderful friend.
So from all your colleagues at Leicester Mercury enjoy your retirement break,
But please don’t bother ringing if you spot a literal mistake!
All the best in your retirement with lots of love from all of the gang.
"Thank you so much for the swift turnaround of this poem. It delighted the recipient and added another dimension to the leaving speech. I will certainly use you again."
Joanne - Colleague
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO AN AMAZING MUM
JUNE 9th 2008
Happy Birthday mum, you’re 47 today,
I wanted to treat you in a very special way.
A very special poem is only worthy of you,
To say a great big thank you for all that you do.
Standing 5 foot tall and with lovely light brown hair,
You’ve always been so generous, you’re always first to share.
You’re always there for me, in anything I do,
I really do feel privileged to have a mother just like you.
You’re a plasterer by trade, a job you do with much pride,
It’s just another talent you have buried deep inside.
There is a job you do that will be beaten by no other,
That’s the job you will always have – a truly fantastic mother.
A personalised poem was my original intention,
And there are several other things which I can’t forget to mention.
There’s your love for chocolate, you will eat it ‘til it’s gone,
Then there’s your love for watching Formula One.
I’m nearly at the end of what I want to say,
So enjoy yourself mother on this special day.
And although this present will just be one of many,
Cherish it forever, happy birthday, love from Jenni.
" Thanks a lot for the poem, my mam loved it!"
Jenni - Daughter
THE WEDDING OF STACEY & JOHN
SEPTEMBER 1st 2007
First, introductions – my name is Chris,
And this is the day I would never, ever miss.
I’m the father of the bride, and have a few things to say,
Thank you for being here on this special day.
I know Stacey & John will be both full of pleasants,
Especially to the people who gave them good presents!
My beautiful wife Jan, she’s really been a wow,
Without her hard work we wouldn’t be here now.
Thanks to all the guests who have travelled so far,
You could have travelled a bit further and gone to the bar.
It’s great to see the Norton lads giving up a day at the Boro,
I did write to Sky Sports and ask if they’d move it to tomorrow!
The wedding’s taken time and patience to arrange,
There’s been tough decisions, but there’s nothing we’d change.
I’d like to thank Fr Michael for the words he was saying,
And for a beautiful service and the Church looking amazing.
I’d like to thank the florists for the great effort they’ve made,
And of course not forgetting our gorgeous bridesmaids.
So what about Stacey, the star of the show,
She’s made me so proud as you already know.
For over 19 years she’s made us happy all the time,
I know she’s 21 but for 2 years she was a swine!
Everything she’s tried she has excelled in,
Whether it be the cadets, running or when she was swimming.
She was a shining example all the way through school,
She can even explain the offside rule!
Which reminds me I have to have words with you John,
Fancy getting married when the Boro match is on!
She’s the perfect role model for Nicola and Em,
And has always been there for the pair of them.
So now a few words about my son-in-law John,
As soon as I met him I knew he was the one.
Before Stacey met him I sent her on a mission,
Make sure he buys beer and is a competent electrician.
Well one outta two ain’t bad – as a sparky he’s fab!
But as for buying the beer – you should see his bar tab!
For dodging his round he cannot be beaten,
(Unless you’re including Christopher Deaton!)
Seriously though, Stacey listened when we taught her
And in John we’ve found a bloke good enough for our daughter.
He gets on well with the family, he’s a hard working lad,
He’s made my daughter happy and so made me a proud dad.
And I haven’t forgot Caitlin, I just wanted to say
That she looks gorgeous and has been fabulous today.
John’s not only my son-in-law, he’s become a good friend,
Now don’t worry folks I’m nearly at the end.
So can you all raise your glasses and stand for the toast,
We’re the proudest parents in the world and not afraid to boast.
Our Stacey has found joy with a special person in her life,
And they’re sitting here today as husband and wife.
So John, can you put your hand on top of Stacey’s please,
And cherish the moment and remember how it feels,
Coz no matter what happens and whatever you’ve planned,
This is the last time with Stacey you’ll have the upper hand.
And so don’t worry folks – one more line and I’m gone.
PLEASE TOAST THE NEWLYWED COUPLE – STACEY AND JOHN!
" Absolutely amazing poem - a hero of the day, the speech has been talked about ever since - definitely recommend"
Chris - Father of the Bride
THE WEDDING OF MATTHEW & EMMA
NOVEMBER 27th 2004
Again, welcome folks to a very special day
It’s the wedding of these two, what more can I say
For those who don’t know me, my name is Dan
I was the church organist, and now the best man
On behalf of the bridesmaids, Shifty and me
I’ll say a few words, won’t be long hopefully
So Matthew and Emma have both took their vow
But the highlight of the day is coming up now
Matthew is my brother, you may or may not know
And it’s my job to talk about the star of the show
I’ve known him quite long, in fact, all my life!
And in Emma he’s found a wonderful wife
I had to say that, but I know you’d agree
Well I’m sure you would with the threats she gave me!
Let me tell you a bit about Mat
He’s fond of his vodka, I bet you know that
He’s caring, he’s unselfish, he’s fun to be around,
He’s generous and sensible, his feet are on the ground
He’s witty, he’s charming, your day he will brighten
What’s this one say Mat, I can’t read your writing
We’d often used to fight, as you would assume
But when I couldn’t be bothered, I’d lock him in a room
I must first thank the lads, the stag night was great!
Except Chris got grounded for coming home late
Tommo and the sheep looked a fine pair
The video’s on the net but we won’t go there
Then there’s the handcuffs, too small for Mats wrists
And the Irma Gobb stalker who loved him to bits
Matty’s a sportsman, as you can see
Well, maybe not as sporty as he used to be
He first took up hockey, we played in the yard
He never got the hang, and found it quite hard
Tennis ball for puck, and a brush shank as stick
His career cut short when it impaled his dictionaries
Come in handy when writing in rhyme
We all like to cheat from time to time
Anyway, he liked playing footy, did our young Mat
He played against girls on the field at the Pats
Cant remember why, charity or something
Which probably explains why he was dressed as a woman
A girl broke his foot and he cried please, no more
Then aunty Janet trapped his fingers in the door
Its fair to say that it wasn’t his day
And he’ll never play football with girls again he did say
Subbuteo, Transformers, He-Man, and more
He loved playing with them 'til he was 24
It was 23 really and please, don’t mock it
I could show you the photo of him playing with polly pocket!
Middlesbrough FC was the love of his life
Until he met Emma and has made her his wife
Steve McLaren sent a card and he says what he thinks
“Keep away from the boro, your nowt but a jinx
Since you left boro for emma, the Boro have grown
And it seems to have started once you stopped going
The Carling Cup, Europe, now 4th from the top
The best thing you did was your allegiances swap!”
How did they meet? You might ask yourself
When Mat was single, and sat on the shelf
One night in Jumpin Jaks, it was Emma he adored
He chatted her up and was promptly ignored
But then she remembered he’s not just a bore
She thought she had seen him somewhere before
It must be from college, she only presumed
But from then on the relationship bloomed
We knew it was love when they first started dating
She’d come in the car and sit round the corner waiting
They bought their own house this year, around June
We knew that the parties would follow real soon
Its nice that they’re near, and not out of sight
And its somewhere to sleep when I’m pissed up tonight!
And once this is over the real party is soon
They’re both off to Dublin on their honeymoon
I thought it was to Wales, the home of the leek
Just Mat said he was going to Bangor all week!
Seriously though, a great couple they make
And I’m nearly in tears, just like the cake
I’m near the end, you’ll be pleased about that
But before the toast, some advice for Mat
To keep a marriage brimming, with love in the loving cup
When you are wrong, admit it! And when you are right, shut up!
And so folks, the time has now come
When you do your bit, and get off your bum
I’d like you all to stand and your glasses raise
To Matthew and Emma, and for the rest of their days!
" Class - it had everybody in stitches from start to finish"